This is what you said,
No, no. This is what I said,
But this isn't what I needed:

I said, "Baby,
You know I wish that I could love you."
I said, "Baby,
It's just that when I'm thinking of you I slide away...
And it's always when I know I need to fall..."

This is how I fell,
Though I don't really know how to tell you
What I need now,

I fell slowly;
I really thought that I could love you.
I fell screaming,
Because now I know that I can love you, but I love her too,
And I just don't know for whom to fall...

This is my last wish,
This is my final prayer,
Because I need you, there...

I implore you,
I knew not what I was doing.
Forgive me,
Because I know I left you crying; well, she cried too,
And I cried when I decided where to fall...

This is what you said,
No, no. This is what I said.
I know it's not what you needed...

Love falls barely short of hatred,
And the hand I hold always wears a glove.
Perfection is always less than perfect,
And all I need is way too much,
For the greedy hands, they hunger stronger;
They reach out and grab what I can’t take.
“Just enough” is never satisfying.
Their deceptions cradle me in hate.

and this is what she wrote:
[How grateful I was then to be part of the mystery
To love and be loved.
Let's just hope that is enough.]

i am so lost.
i am so confused
i am stuck in a haze


[And the apple fell
And it taught us all
We are chained here to the ground]


my life just exploded before my eyes.


[I'm sick, lonely, no laurel tree, just green envy.]


again.


[Time has taught me that all things come to a bitter end.
I try to fight it but it's no use
I must be insane]


my heart feels like it's being consumed by my lungs.


[A thousand voices erupt in chorus while you just stare. My pillow doesn't hold the same affect as your body would, and my hands don't fit anywhere else but with yours. And I hate you for this. And I love you for this. And I'm so lost.....]


there must be something wrong with me.


[Will my number come up eventually? Like Love is some kind of lottery,
where you can scratch and see what is underneath.
It's "Sorry",just one cherry, "Play Again." Get lucky.]


i don't know what to think.
what to feel.
what to do.
i don't know anything.


[...So I won't ever be happy again]


tears are blurring my vision
and it seems as if they never stop


[and i fell for the promise of a life with a purpose
but i know that that is impossible now.]


blood clumps on my arm
stopping too soon.


[and so i drink to stay warm
and to kill selected memories]


and i can't fucking focus


[because i just can't think anymore about that or about her tonight]


i can't breathe


[i'm giving myself three days to feel better
or i swear i am driving off a fucking cliff]


i'm trapped under a mountain of mistakes


[i swear that i am dying, slowly but its happening]


and i hate this.


[if there is a perfect spring that's waiting somewhere
just take me there and lie to me and say it's going to be alright]


i hate this so much.


[I think I had better find some disbelief to suspend
Cause I don't want to feel like this again]

it's funny-
i know i'm not a strong person,
but i've never really felt this weak;
my body is hollow,
my mind is...
i don't know.
i don't really know anything anymore.
i feel as though any breath could shatter me,
as though any thought could kill me,
for i love you the most, and i have hurt you more than i have ever hurt anyone.
nothing makes sense right now,
in fact i'm not entirely sure if this is real.
it doesn't feel real.
i mean, how could it be?
i love you, you love me,
we were so happy... why couldn't i just fall?
if ever i could erase time, i would erase my life.
all the things through which i have suffered...
next to this they are nothing;
no pain, no sorrow,
no anguish has ever been so great as this,
and yet it was inevitable.
still, inevitable as it may have been i feel it was unforgivable.
you have never been anything short of wonderful, perfect, incredible...
you don't need this.
you don't deserve this.
no one ever does.
and it was the worst...
it shattered not only our intimacy,
but has weakened our friendship as well.
no matter how many times i say, "i love you,"
you will always remember, and i will always remember...
...that day...
why is it that we remember the things we wish to forget the most?
it is a terrible curse.
and so am i,
a curse upon you and your happiness because i am powerful in your life,
but weak in my own,
and foolish with both.
i hope that the scars will not be too deep.
i hope that what is tarnished will again be able to shine.
i hope that you will always know that you are the most important person in my life.
i love you.
i will always love,
but i know i don't deserve you.