you know what happened yesterday? charlotte and i went to get our schedules changed and shannon rosetta, the fucking counselor, said the rudest thing. "oh, when you go to nicki, tell her you're in the advanced classes, because you don't really look likt it. i mean, i was surprised when i pulled up your schedules and you had all of this higher classes. you can't take back first impressions you know. so let her know that you're advanced because you don't look like it."
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THAT FUCKING BITCH.
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of all people, the school counselors should not judge the students. honestly. we kids get enough shit from our peers, stupid drunk guys, and just the general assholes of this world. we shouldn't get it from the school counselors. they're supposed to make school a good experience for us. and no i'm NOT stereotyping there; that is their job. don't they teach us not to judge people before we know them in our school classes? i swear we had a section on that in health class. if they don't follow through with their teachings, then how do they expect the kids to take them seriously? our school is praised for its tolerance and for having few cliques. i distinctly remember that from freshman orientation last year because i was scared shitless that day, because i didn't know anyone. and now this from our "tolerant" school. this ...this is horrible. just horrible. she should be fired. no, that's way too harsh. she should have to attend a class on how to be more tolerant and less judgemental. i'll teach the fucking class. i and all of my "loser" friends will. ughhhhh! i simply cannot believe she said that. no tolerance. no tolerance. what is the world coming to?

oh!!!!!!!!!! i have an IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT:
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I AM COMPLETELY OVER SAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yes!!! free!!!!!!!!!! freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee at laaaaaaaaaaaaaassssssssssssssst! i realized this the other day when i got a role of film developed. i didn't know what was on the role, and when i opened the envelope, the first picture was of sam. it didn't make me cry, or feel sad. i simply thought, "oh, a picture of sam," just as if it were a picture of anyone else. i don't have that horrible emotional attachment anymore.
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yes. life does get better.

i hate that fucking word.

fuck, they both look wrong.

or is it wierd?

i have a weird life.

first i have a complaint, and then i will write about stuff i think is interesting. here's the complaint: my breasts went up another fucking cup size!! they better be done growing damnit!!!!!!!!! i'm gonna cut the fuckers off if they don't stop growing soon. and i mean soon goddamnit.
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okay. yesterday, before charlotte and i went to a concert i was callingf home to get a ride and it would not go through, so of course i got pissed off. so when it finally did go through i lifted my hands and said "praise god!" but then charlotte said, "hey, i thought you didn't believe in god." "okay, fine then," i say, "praise satan!" of course i say this right as my sister picks up the phone, so she hears, "-satan! ...oh hi sophie."
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another thing. we ran into some creepy guy at the station. he was like thirty-something and infatuated withus. i don't feel like explaining. just believe me when i say he's creepy okay.
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i went to a concert with char last night. unwritten law didn't show up. preston, charlotte and i all agreed that the piocked up some whores on the side of the road and just pretended their bus broke down.
"uh, hi. we can't make the concert our bus broke down."
in the background: "uhh, uhh, ohhhh! oh god, oh god! fuck me harder! ohhhh!"
concert guy: "oh, okay. what's that noise?"
"umm, that? that must be our engine sputtering. or interference on the line or something."
cg: "well okay. sorry you guys can't make it."
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char and i got hugs from this guy clint in the riddlin' kids. she tried to point him out to me but i had no fucking clue who he was so i'm like looking around like an idiot. fuck man. but he's soooooooo sexy. god i want to fuck him. and he signed "i love diamond" on my sticker. a more accurate signing would probably be "i love diamond's boobs" because he stared at them enough, but hey, they're hard to miss.
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i went in the mosh pit like five times. that was pretty awesome. some guy pulled me out once though. i flew into him, and he picked me up and set me aside. like nothing. it made me feel small, but i suppose it was thoughtful. even if i wanted to be in there. sometimes the mosh pits got really spread out. i don't like that. i like it when everyone's really close and all the bodies are just bumping together. it's silly when you have to run from the other side of the room to hit someone. i mean, come on folks. stop being so pussy and join in. fuuucck...
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i got a really strange hug from some guy in home grown. he was squeezing me really tight and saying strange shit like "and i can feel you pressing up aainst me and it makes me happy." and he held me for like two minutes. that may not seem like a long time (because it isn't) but for a hug it is. it's a long ass time for a hug. it's a good thing we didn't go look for them out back afterwards, 'cause i'm really not interested in being raped.

the phone rings in anna's bedrrom sometime after one o'clock. she wakes up, half naked, sprawled out on top of clothes and messy sheets, and still hung over from the night before. as she leans over to pick up the phone, she falls on the floor and bursts in to insane giggles for little less than ten seconds, before her groggy head ache completely sets in.
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"hello?" she half whispers into the phone, hoping it won't be anyone she'll feel guilty about telling she can't talk at the moment. from the other side she hears the voice of her best friend maxine going on and on about how wonderful everything and everyone is, and then asks, "hey maxine, are you high?"
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"yeah, maybe a little. but anyway, i was with this guy, right, and he had this pretty hair, and the car was going really fast, but we weren't actually driving, it was just sitting there, but we..." anna groans, and then thinks that at least she won't have to say anything. maxine's already taken care of that. and it's not like she would notice if anna didn't respond to anything, since she's too lost in her own world to notice anything.
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setting down the phone to go get something to drink, she trips over it and falls again. "god, my life is a mess," she thinks, "when will i figure out how to get it together?" She sits down at the table with a glass of water and flips through the various magazines lying about. her eyes rest on a picture of a couple making out in a bus, bringing back miserable memories of her last relationship with benjamin. ughh, she shudders, and then decides to go over to mark's house. "the prick is probably fucking some whore," she mutters under her breath as she reaches for her keys.
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ten minutes later she is pounding on his front door. he answers in his boxers, scratching his head. "charming," she sneers, and then barges through his house to the bedroom. "mark! get in here and make me happy, damnit!" though capable of being seductive, she'd been fooling around with mark for way too long for either of them to care. he was a jerk anyway, and both of them were only friends for the sex.

shit.

i can't wait for school to start so that my life will finally get back to a normal schedule. i cannot stand this inconsistency.

yeeeahhhhh. i'll shut up now.

i hope, at least, this doesn't confuse you, because that wouldn't be fair, seeing as how it doesn't confuse me.

i keep saying "maybe i should ..." and then i can't finish because nothing is there. i don't have anything i want to do. no, i don't have anything i KNOW how to do that will better my situation. or make me feel. make me feel whole, or even partial. i realize that i am lost, but i don't feel it. it's like i'm watching my life from the outside. it's like i'm someone else. somebody cold and emotionless, just an observer of the pathetic, of the weak. i watch the confusion, the sorrow, the anger; i see what should be there, but i don't feel it. and as i'm typing this, i know that this should confuse me and make me think, but it's like my fingers are detached from my brain. like they have minds of their own and are just going by themselves. routine, routine, routine. i'm not even thinking about what i'm typing. i barely even know what i'm typing until after i've typed it and read it. and this again should seem strange to me, but it doesn't. it just is. and i don't get it, but it doesn't matter because even though i know i don't get it, i don't feel like i don't. i'm like an inanimate object, sort of. a lamp, or a pillow. just there.

i'm not even sad anymore. that's how empty i feel. or, not even empty because that's a feeling. i don't feel anything. i am just completely blank.

i haven't amounted to anything, and i probably won't ever amount to anything.

empty. i feel empty again.

and i feel really strange right now.

honestly.

i am sick of everything.

Which one of Billy's hamsters are you?

grab the wrists, pull away.
I DON'T WANT TO DIE TODAY, so i won't.

i am chocolate!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am Chocolate Flavoured. I am sweet and a little bit naughty. I am one of the few clinically proven aphrodisiacs. Sometimes I can seem a little hard, but show warmth and I soon melt. What Flavour Are You?

What Pattern Are You?

You’re Pink! You’re not afraid to be different, and you’re more than willing to go your own way. You’re quite the dare devil, and quite outspoken. Sure you’re not the best, but that’s okay! You’ve been through lots of struggles to get where you are right now, and you’re quite content with how you’re life’s been going. You’re known to cause a little mischief, but that’s all in good fun.

What Kind of Pop Princess Are You? Quiz by Jonah

pretty good quiz i think. the weezer one that is.

When I look in the mirror
I can't believe what I see
Tell me, who's that funky dude
Starin' back at me?

Broken, beaten down
Can't even get around
without an old-man cane
I fall and hit the ground
Shivering in the cold
I'm bitter and alone

Excuse the bitchin'
I shouldn't complain
I should have no feeling
'Cuz feeling is pain

As everything I need is denied me
And everything I want is taken away from me
But who do I got to blame?
Nobody but me

I don't wanna be an old man anymore
It's been a year or two since I was out on the floor
Shakin' booty, makin' sweet love all the night
It's time I got back to the good life

It's time I got back, it's time I got back
'n I don't even know how I got off the track
I wanna go back, yeah!

Screw this crap, I've had it!
I ain't no Mr. Cool
I'm a pig, I'm a dog
So 'scuse me if I drool

I ain't gonna hurt nobody
Ain't gonna cause a scene
I just need to admit that I want sugar in my tea
Hear me? Hear me?
I want sugar in my tea!

I don't wanna be an old man anymore
It's been a year or two since I was out on the floor
Shakin' booty, makin' sweet love all the night
It's time I got back to the good life

It's time I got back, it's time I got back
'n I don't even know how I got off the track
I wanna go back, yeah!

I wanna go back, wanna go back
'n I don't even know how I got off the track
It's time I got back, time I got back
'n I don't even know how I got off the track
I wanna go back, yeah

'Cause I don't wanna be an old man anymore
It's been a year or two since I was out on the floor
Shakin' booty, makin' sweet love all the night
It's time I got back to the good life
I wanna go back, wanna go back
'n I don't even know how I got off the track
It's time I got back, time I got back
'n I don't even know how I got off the track
I wanna go back

Which Weezer Song are You?

the virgin suicides is my new favorite movie

i met a really nice guy here. we didn't make out (bet you're surprised) but we cuddled a lot, and i got some really nice massages. he's pretty. i don't know his name though. is that odd?

ok, i take that back.

no major gripes for a long time. my audience must be astounded.

i don't want to leave. camp is almost over and i'm not ready to go. i have to go home tomorrow. i really don't want to. i'm having so much fun. i'll miss all of my friends. oh well. chris, halla, leah and gretchen can visit. and maybe i'll see lionel in the fall, 'cause he'll be going to school here. this probably sounds strange since i hated camp so much just a couple of days ago, but it was the same with camp wilani; really bad for the first few days, and by the end i wanted to return the following week. it must be a "getting used to it" sort of thing.

yesterday's not all that bad. sorry i could not make this last.

hum dee dum. tee hee!

My bumper sticker reads:

Kinky.
Take the quiz.

camp is beginning to go well ...just as it comes to an end of course. thought you might like to know.

if things don't start looking up, i will kill myself beore the week is out.

never mind this post. he's actually nice. if you read it before, you know what was here.

and i just want to go home, which is saying a lot when it comes from me.

wrestlers are stupid.

i went to the beach yesterday with my camp. (at which i still am, unfortunately.) i got horribly sunburned and miserably wet. i have lost my beautiful alabaster complexion. fucking camp. i hate it here. last year was so much better. i just cannot take this much longer. we have no freedom. they treat us like fucking prisoners. i will never come back. last year was so much better.
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yesterday, on top of looking horribly red, whih will fade to a hideous tan, i started my fucking period. and they didn't have any coffee in the cafeteria, and one of the teachers made me change my shirt, i ran out of toothpaste and shampoo, both things price chopper just happens to not carry. then everyone kept saying. "wow, you're really red," and, "well at least it will fade to a nie tan." i don't want to have a nice tan!!!!! i already was too tan for my liking. i know all of these things sound silly to complain about, but my period makes me really emotional and i was sobbing for so long yesterday. i fucking hate people. they just don't know when to shut up. oh yeah, another thing. all of the stupid cheerleaders are here now because they have cheerleading camp. yippee for me. i want to die. ugghhhh. save me from this hell hole.